This is personal

In the years leading up to having my first child, I discovered what it meant to truly live a life of intention. I worked hard on getting clear on who I was, what I wanted my days to look like, what I needed to feel in balance, how I wanted work to coexist with the rest of my life, and so much more. I had certainty, rhythm, peace, and clarity - which contributed to a life that felt nourishing and whole.

It’s safe to say the arrival of my daughter Melody has transformed my life in so many incredible ways but also, in the nicest way possible, been a bit like an uncontrolled demolition of the life I once led. Certainty, rhythm, peace, and clarity are now like any other friends in your 30’s — tough to find time with.

I’m just over a year into parenthood, and having checked off all the big first year highlights (like first words, first steps, first diving-headbutt-into-an-inanimate-object) and whilst also conquering a few big changes like sleep training and starting nursery, I’ve found myself with some time to think. Not about her of course, but about myself.

I’ve always considered myself quite a reflective and introspective person, and so checking in with myself, asking myself how I’m feeling, how I’m feeling it in the body, the state of my mind, is part of my day to day. A few weeks ago I found myself asking these questions, and as a result some frankly quite troubling answers were emerging.

I’m going to say there is way too much to unpack in edition one of a newsletter, but the simplest summary I can offer, is that I feel mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually tired.

My once unbridled optimism is more than happy to let the disgruntled pessimist get the air time. My previously unwavering zen like attitude to insignificant trials and tribulations is being replaced by a snappy, frustrated, angry little man. My “strong-enough” body now feels somewhat feeble and totally unprepared for the physical demands of my day to day.

Surely having a kid isn’t the cause of all this? Well, not entirely - there is a bunch of other stuff going on in my life that is likely compounding the fallout of this change, but without question becoming a dad is the driving force. And it was this stark reality that set off a chain of thinking - all of which kept coming back to a simple idea:

What is a high performance parent?

I’d argue this phrase is wooly enough at the edges to be somewhat subjective - and so this is what it means to me and in the context of this new endeavour:

• I love the definition of high performance coined by the forgotten Neville brother, Phil, that he shared on the also fantastic High Performance podcast. He defined it as “doing the best you can, where you are, with what you have got”. Too perfect - and for me could not feel more representative of the spirit of what I want to create for myself and for others here.

• High performance is not about “winning”. This is not about being a 38 year old dad who can do a sub-60min Hyrox and beat a chess grandmaster at his own game. There are no trophies, no awards, no recognition. This is about being able to show up as you want to show up - bridging the gap between your intention and reality.

• High performance parent is not about creating extraordinary outcomes for your kids (or creating the next generation of super athletes). It’s centred on the belief that the best thing you can possibly do to contribute towards your child’s life and outcomes is to perform at your best - and that means setting an example by role modelling behaviours around sleep, nutrition, mobility, emotional regulation, and so much more.

Ultimately, high performance to me, is a quantifiable feeling. It’s about feeling mentally, emotionally, and physically stronger. It’s not about never feeling pain or negative emotion. It’s simply about feeling more able to navigate the trials and tribulations of parenting with vitality. It’s about doing right by you and your kids.

In that spirit, I deeply believe there is a LOT that can be learned from “high performance environments”, in particular in the world of sports, and so thus begins my quest to see what I can learn, apply and share on my own journey to becoming a high performance parent.

I really really don’t want to become one of those parents who’s whole personality is about how hard being a parent is. I know it’s going to be hard. I know it’s going to test me in ways I cannot even fathom right now. But I want to face those trials with optimism and vigour. This is my ambition.

I really appreciate you being here and your support. Like any fledgling endeavours, two things are critical: feedback and advocacy. If you have any thoughts, feelings, ideas, critique for me - I am always open to it. Just reply to an email. And in turn, don’t underestimate the power of referring your fellow parents to this newsletter - a small act but can be instrumental to it’s growth.

Thank you in advance for both.

But for now, I’ll see you next week - where I’ll be expanding on my rationale for why parents need to be taken seriously as endurance athletes!

Carl